February 25, 2013

Moments That Matter Most


I have been thinking a lot about this concept in the last few weeks.
I have felt depression and very very busy.

Last year, I reached a lot of limits on how much I felt like I could do. I had 3 church callings, and all 4 kids in sports. I was a mess. I screamed... a lot. I cried, a lot. I forgot to turn to the Lord, a lot.  I turned away a lot of photography jobs, and felt like I was slipping into a blurred state of driving kids around, and never having and real time with any one of my family members. So, We decided to start scaling back.
First, Lilli quit soccer, on her own accord, and I thought..."Phew, I can slow down a pace." But it didn't slow down.
So, we took Katie and Emily out of soccer.
This helped so much. But, Maggie was still in club ball, and I was running around with just her 3-4 days a week, leaving Lilli to watch the little girls. It wasn't right yet. I felt too much pull, too much stress.
I prayed for guidance, for a way to be a better mother, to not feel so much stress. And I waited.
A few weeks later, Maggie broke her foot.  I know, sounds like my stress should have gone up...but, in those months of healing, we found each other.
WE didn't know it, didn't realize it, but our family was in pain. It was broken.
We were never together, always running around. Eating very very poorly.  Missing out on the laughter, on the simple times.
In those months of healing, we laughed. We played. We painted nails! We healed!

Now, that Maggie is healed, and she can go back to soccer, she has chosen not to. She knows, as I know, that FAMILY is the most important job. That being together, loving, and laughing, is what we need to do right now.

My kids are young. 12,10, 7, and 5.  They are not going to be young forever.
As their mother...I feel it is my duty to keep them little, to protect them from the world. To instil in them a sense of family unity and a love for the gospel.

I can't do that when my life is being pulled a dozen different directions. And I am done.

We are enjoying our life. My kids do have an activity. Each child is learning music. But that means they are each out of my house once a week for 30 minutes. Not 4 times a week for 2 hours!

I believe in Family! I know that what I am doing for mine is right for mine!
I want my children to look back on their childhoods with fondness. I want them to remember a mother who was happy, and in their life! A mother who sat on their bed and talked and laughed with them. A mother who had time to listen.

Slowing down our lives is making me that mother!

I don't care anymore about "keeping up" with other families. Let them spend bookoo bucks on sports and other things. They don't get to hang out with their kids as much as I do. They don't know what they are missing.

I am grateful for a loving Father in Heaven, who listened to my prayer. Who answered my prayer. Who loves me. Who intrusted His children to MY care. I will listen to Him. I will be involved in their lives, and  I will teach them to listen to Him.

Joshua 24:15 "Choose ye this day whom ye will serve"